Nowadays, it’s so easy to get caught up in the week, trying to get everything accomplished, but feeling like there’s never enough time. In the US it’s common to stay so busy, either with work, raising a family, school or other activities that we forget to stop and carve out time just for ourselves. We forget to make our peace a priority and we forget how important stress-reducing activities are for good self-care. Perhaps taking time for yourself sounds selfish, or maybe you’re not sure how exactly to gauge if you need to take time for yourself. But rest assured, setting aside time for yourself, is not selfish and will actually improve your relationships with others and can help you be more productive. Sometimes we just need to slow down our lifestyle and allow ourselves a period of stillness, where we can just be, without any pressures or expectations bearing down on us.

However, for some people, it’s not as simple as that, because some people don’t even realize they are living with Chronic Stress. If you don’t know what Chronic Stress is or if it’s affecting you, try asking yourself the following questions:

Do you spend all your time taking care of others and never have a moment alone? Do you spend the majority of your time working? Do you feel like you have to be doing something all the time as if you must be productive? Do you spend a lot of your time worrying about work, the future or others? Or do you experience anxiety and stress even when you’re not doing anything? Does it feel like you have been experiencing one distressing setback after another? Have you been sick a lot or mentally struggling for a significant amount of time? Or perhaps you are struggling with PTSD or have recently experienced a traumatic event that you can’t seem to get past?

Then chances are, you are living with Chronic Stress. Chronic stress happens when you experience stressful situations, circumstances or thought patterns that have continued for a long period of time. Sometimes people get so used to living under stress, it becomes their new normal, even when the original source of stress is gone. In fact according to basicmedicalkey.com, a great database full of up-to-date medical knowledge, “constant exposure to stressors tends to synthesize the individual to the situation… The low level of stress may become a way of life and negatively impact the health of the individual.”

Now, experiencing occasional stress is not a bad thing in itself, some people even thrive under pressure. And small amounts of stress can also “provide stimulation and intellectual challenge,” so not all stress is bad. But when stress is prolonged, it can turn into Chronic Stress which can eventually lead to paranoia, anxiety, depression, and even psychiatric disorders. Also, stress can cause emotions such as intolerance, dread, irritability, impatience, mood swings, and compulsive behavior and make you feel emotionally overwhelmed.

But stress doesn’t just affect your mental and emotional health, it can also damage your immune system, your hormones, your reproductive system, your heart, your nervous system, your metabolism, and even damage your digestion. It can also negatively affect the neural pathways in your brain and can affect your ability to learn, retain memories and damage your attention span. Chronic Stress can also cause sleeping problems, heart disease, headaches, and inflammation and negatively affect your blood pressure and blood sugar. Needless to say, Chronic Stress is not a good thing, and it wreaks havoc on your mental, emotional and physical well-being.

So what actually happens the moment you experience stress?

When you experience stress you go into fight or flight mode which affects your mood, your motivation and your level of fear. Also, cortisol is released from your adrenal glands, making you sweat, your heart race, your muscles tense, causes your breathing to go faster and can also cause trembling. Often going into fight or flight mode is your body’s way of initiating a response in an attempt to avoid imminent danger. For some people, this might look like your mind jumping into overdrive allowing you to figure out your next move. However, others might respond differently and may feel paralyzed by fear, while others will experience the urge to fight back. Either way, the end result will often leave you exhausted, worn out and emotionally drained. The good news is that our bodies are built in such a way that we are able to bounce back from the occasional stressful situation. However, when we experience frequent stress and our stress is prolonged then “it challenges the body’s ability to maintain physical and emotional homeostasis and is associated with negative bodily responses.” We already know all the negative side effects from Chronic Stress, but what exactly is Homeostasis?

Homeostasis is your body’s unique ability to maintain it internal environment. It is your body’s natural ability to return to a harmonious state by helping your reflexes return to “its previously calm state after a stressful encounter.” In fact, you can think of homeostasis as a little rubber band that stretches back and forth without breaking. This ability to stretch allows your body “to remain in a dynamic steady state, whereby it continually adjusts to maintain its internal function.” Simply put, this means that after a stressful, dangerous or scary situation, your body and mind will bounce back and you will be able to calm down and return to normal.  But if you experience chronic stress, then that means your body has lost the ability to re-balance itself. It means that your body can no longer reach homeostasis, or return to harmony because it’s stuck in the fight or flight stress-induced stage all the time.

If you are experiencing chronic stress, or even if your body has not yet lost the ability to reach homeostasis, but you feel stressed and overwhelmed so often, that you’ve forgotten what it feels like to be normal.… then start making it a priority to carve out time for yourself. Taking the time for yourself so you can recover and recharge is so important, because the longer you let stress build, the more likely you are to get stuck with Chronic Stress! This is why psychologists recommend finding activities you can engage in that reduce your stress. This means you are living in a constant state of stress, which has been proven to be very damaging to your mental, emotional and physical well-being.

So, if you think you might be stuck experiencing Chronic Stress, then it’s time to get proactive about recovering your peace. Make a commitment to be more engaged and take time to do what you like to do, so you can feel both calm and fulfilled. That might look like hiring a babysitter, turning your phone and TV off, or turning down that overtime at work so you have more free time. Or maybe it looks like having your spouse go out to have a guy’s or girl’s night out, so you can be alone and enjoy some peace and quiet.

Either way, resist the temptation to just watch TV or scroll through your phone endlessly to decompress. And instead try developing a stress-reducing hobby that invests in your mental, emotional and physical well-being.

If you need ideas for activities that have been proven to reduce stress than check out my next post: 20 WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS.

Photo Credit: Pexels.com

When it comes to good self-care, managing a  tolerable level of stress is paramount. And prioritizing your peace above all else is one of the most important steps you can take to increase your well-being and wholeness. So how can you incorporate hobbies into your life that reduce your stress?  Well, stress relieving hobbies can look different for everyone, and certain activities that reduces stress for some people, may not work for others.  But either way, studies have shown that setting aside time to relax and decompress is a great way to relieve depression, anxiety, chronic pain and Chronic Stress.

So ask yourself, what do you gravitate towards when you have free time? What makes you feel more calm and collected after a hard, long day? Think about how this activity affects you emotionally, do you still feel anxious or tense afterwards?  Or perhaps you feel more at ease and quiet inside?

Also consider what you might be thinking about when you do these hobbies. Because how your thoughts change or are soothed during these activities are important and part of what helps you decompress.

So, without further ado, here are 20 things you can do, that have been proven to reduce stress. Try one, try all, try as many as you need to, until you find something that helps you feel more at ease and relaxed.

1. Breathing exercises. Instead of the shallow breaths most of us take normally, focus on taking deep, even breaths through your diaphragm/abs without lifting your shoulders.
2. Taking a nap. Believe it or not, studies have shown that regular naps can reduce stress.
3. Meditating. You can do this either by clearing your mind or just by focusing on positive thoughts and practicing thinking about all the things you have to be grateful for.
4. Try Yoga or Pilates. A lot of people find it helps them release pent-up stress and helps calms them down so they feel more centered in their body.
5. Get a massage. Many people tend to hold stress in their physical body, and massages can be an excellent way to release the built-up tension in your muscles and limbs.
6. Play your favorite music and dance or if you don’t know how to dance, look into taking a dance class. Sometimes just moving to music is a great outlet not only to express yourself but to get yourself out of your head and into the present. Also, it can help you get more in tune with your body and reduce tension.
7. If you are crafty and sentimental, try creating a photo album or scrapbook. It’s a fun way to decompress while you’re using your creative side.
8. Get in the Kitchen and start baking or cooking for fun, you can even take a course if you don’t have much experience.
9. Paint! Or if you’re feeling less than confident, then see if there is a Paint and Sip class in your area and learn to paint for fun.
10. Start a small flower or vegetable garden. As long as it’s relaxing for you, and doesn’t just turn into endless yard work projects, gardening has been proven to reduce stress.
11. Art. Sculpting, drawing, or coloring adult coloring books are all great ways to relieve stress. There is a reason art therapy is becoming more popular because it allows you to tap into your deeper feelings and thoughts that you may not have known were even there. Also color does have deeper meanings behind it, which can be a window into how you’re really feeling. This means that using color can be a great way to bring subconscious emotions to the surface so you can let any pent-up emotions be released.
12. Photography can also be considered art therapy and is just as useful because it gives you an outlet to express yourself through visual art media.
13. Alternatively, you can try journaling or creative writing, to help get your thoughts and feelings out and relieve anxiety. Plus, there have been plenty of studies that show positive physical health benefits for those who express themselves through writing.
14. Sewing and knitting are two great ways that allow you to shut your mind off and work with your hands. Also it can help take your mind away from your worries and help you reach a more meditative state of mind.
15. Relaxing sports: Golfing, swimming, Horseback riding, Tai Chi and water sports have all been proven to have relaxing effects that reduce stress.
16. Hiking in nature: This doesn’t have to be an aerobic exercise or an uphill climb, it can simply be walking through nature and appreciating the sights around you, while letting the soothing sounds of nature melt your stress. It can also help quiet your mind, allowing you the freedom to think without any distractions.
17. You can also try learning an instrument, or just listen to music. While music is a known stress reliever, it can also evoke emotion and can help determine your internal feelings. Music also can help reveal things about who you are and it can help you express your emotions. So pay attention to how the music you listen to makes you feel emotional. Does it help calm you down and ease the tension? Or does it help you let out your pent-up feelings? Music that can do either of these things is an excellent way to feel less stressed.
18. Reading is a great way to reduce stress because it allows you to shift your focus from daily stressors. And it can even lower your heart rate and ease tension in your muscles.
19. Crafting: This can mean a lot of things, you can build something, decorate something, or just be creative upcycling random thrift stores find. Crafting can allow you to be creative while also feeling like you have something you can control. Which can help ease the stress from things in our life that we can’t control. And the bonus is that you’ll have something cool to show for it once you’re finished!
20. For some people, organizing can be a great way to calm the mind, and feel accomplished while allowing you the stillness to decompress from a long day.

Sometimes, we let our past circumstances dictate our future. Sometimes our pain causes us to cease living. One of the greatest  tragedies about growing up is our loss of childlike innocence. And in my life, there have been many times where I’ve let fear and pain stop me from living. Where I stopped thriving and was simply surviving, numb to the world. But that’s why I love the idea of being like a child and letting ourselves live abundantly.

So, think back to when you were young, before your painful life experiences. Before hurt and fear found a permanent place to reside in you. And ask yourself what it would look like to go back to when you were just happy to be alive, instead of afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Ask yourself if there are areas in your life where your too grown up, and could use some childlikeness.

But remember, there is an important difference between being childish, and childlike. To be childish is often used in a derogatory way when someone acts, infantile, selfish, immature, impatient, foolish, irrational or petty. When people criticize, shame and belittle others and act entitled, they are acting like a child. Similarly, trying to control other people and demanding or manipulating others to get your own way is also considered childish.

But to be childlike means to have the good qualities of a child. To be innocent, trusting, eager, open-hearted and able to speak your mind without fear of backlash. Being like a child also means you are optimistic, hopeful for the impossible, full of wonder, wide-eyed with enthusiasm, genuine and honest. Typically, children trust and expect that the best is yet to come, they have a lot to look forwards to and are therefore full of hope and faith that things will all work out. They don’t look back at the past with regret or what if’s and neither do they often experience anxiety about what tomorrow will bring. Being an adult who is like a child means you let yourself rely on others, because you are able to ask for help. Most children don’t feel like they have to do everything themselves and be self-sufficient, instead they understand intrinsically that they are not an island, and that it’s okay to ask for help. And most children are not typically jaded and closed off, unable to see the best in people and let them into their heart.

Now I don’t know about you, but I have spent a lot of time trying to be completely self-sufficient so I never have to ask for help. Trying to do everything correctly, so I don’t have things I have to have any regrets. And I have spent way too much time worrying about the future, rather than be present and enjoying the moment. And way too much time being suspicious of others, too afraid to let them get to know the real me. So, my goal is to once more be a child who lives in wonder. Who lives and loves unconditionally and unguarded, and unafraid to be her true self. Who’s always full of hope, expecting good things to happen. And who throws caution to the wind and follows her dreams at any cost. I want to live life like the child I once was.

Here are just a few small things you can do to be more childlike:

Take a chance on someone, by letting down your guard.

When someone compliments you or says something kind, don’t shrug it off. But instead pause for a moment and consciously choose to accept their words as genuine.

Show more affection than you usually do and go hug someone.

Do something to pamper and love yourself.

Go do something just for the thrill of it.

Focus on being present in the moment.

Appreciate the wonder of the little things.

Practice gratitude and thankfulness.

Go appreciate nature.

Believe the best about whatever situation your in.

Speak your mind, without worrying about what people might think.

Be as blunt as your younger self once was.

Expect the best instead of the worst in a situation.

Do the opposite of what your fears are telling you to.

Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone.

Ask someone for help, even if you think you shouldn’t need it.

And lastly, take the first step to pursue your dreams.

Aim to be a child at heart. And to never forget to wonder as you wander.

Are you Dreamer (a visionary) Or a Doer?

The Dreamer: An imaginative person who is idealistic and dreams a lot. (not sleeping dreams). They think about the big picture. They strategize and plan projects and tend to dream big. They are imaginative and see the potential for what could be. They embrace new things and are a catalyst for change.

The Doer: A person who acts, rather then talking or thinking. The doer is all about action. They are  driven, go getter’s who want results. They focus on productivity rather than the big picture and their goals are much more realistic than the dreamers are.

Both the Dreamer and the Doer have important qualities, with strengths and weakness’s. Neither is better than the other, In fact to be truly successful we need a little bit of both, or just partner with someone who can do what you cant!

The Dreamer’s Weakness: Dreamer’s tend to have a hard time finishing their projects and seeing them thru to completion. They tend to give up easily because they lose focus. The get bogged down in the details and can stop making progress. They also have a hard time with deadlines and tend to under deliver on their promises. They want to accomplish there dream on their own, but often times they will need the help of a Doer.

The Doer’s Weakness: Doer’s lack vision and tend to be short sighted. This often  causes a doer to get stuck in a rut and become unmotivated. “What’s the point of it all?!” They might say. They may feel like they have no end goal in mind, and seemingly no purpose. They tend to follow the same tried and true route and don’t like taking new risks. They also avoid change and dislike deviating from the plan.

Here is a chart that shows the differences really well, from http://chrisoatley.com

Help for the Dreamer’s:

1. If you are a dreamer, don’t try to go it alone! Go find a doer to help you accomplish your goals.
   

2. Try writing down your goals and give yourself a deadline.  Then  break it down into smaller pieces and give yourself smaller weekly deadlines.  Then start doing it! You can motivate yourself, by giving yourself a reward only if you are able to meet the final deadline. (I often reward myself with shopping money, it’s pretty motivating!)

3. Remember that your ideas will almost always take more time and resources than you expect. So plan to have more than enough money, support, resources and time than you think you’ll really need.

4. Know that it’s OK that some dreams or goals won’t work out. Don’t  be afraid! And don’t stress over it! If it’s not working, (or failed) there’s no shame in failure. You still learned something!

5. If you feel like quitting, try looking at it from a different perspective and try a new approach. Or  you can always do a different project and come back to it at a later time. Just try to focus on moving forward in action.

Help for the Doer’s:

  1.If you are a doer, team up with a dreamer to help you to not lose direction. There’s nothing wrong with having a partner, who can support you and guide you.

2. Try to be open to possibilities and embrace change. Find someone who has a different perspective than you, and does things differently so you can learn from them and try it their way.

3. Give  yourself permission to dream bigger. Take time to dream and look at the big picture then write it all down! Then put it some where you will see it everyday, so it can inspire, encourage and motivate you to keep going.

4. Remember that you can’t do it all yourself, it’s OK to ask for help.  Or to tell people no, so you don’t feel overwhelmed.

5. Be curious and confident, and try to think outside of the box, like a dreamer would. Then go make it happen, you doer!!

 

Dreamers are the visionaries of the world

As children we lived life wide eyed in wonder. We  wore rose colored glasses and life was a great discovery! It was such an exciting adventure to discover the magic of a world that was new. We were dreamers and believed the impossible.

So why is it as adults our perception of life becomes so black and white? It becomes matter of fact, with no room for imagination and dreams. It becomes about being realistic. It becomes routine and in some cases dull, and we search from thrill to thrill. It becomes about practicality and maintaining what we have, instead of about dreaming and pursuing the impossible.

I want to inspire people back to that place. There is a difference between being childish, and childlike.

I can’t speak for everyone, but I want it back….. that childlike wonder I once had! It’s not that I want the immaturity of my childhood back, I have learned so much in my  life. But I do want the spontaneity, fearlessness, imagination, simplicity and innocence I once carried.

I want to be uninhibited. To never be intimidated by risk.

I want to be without guile,  genuine to who I am!

I want to trust Fully. To love without reservation.

To always have a positive visionary outlook.

To expect the best life has to offer.

 To always question the system, and the status quo!

To inspire people.

To see the potential in things and and others, that most people don’t notice.

To make opportunities where there are none.

To see things thru and never give up.

To dream the impossible.

To never take being alive for granted!

To see the wonder of life.

To be a dreamer and a visionary.

……. Because the world needs more adults who still remember how to be childlike.

 

Sometimes we get so caught up working that we forget to just slow down and enjoy life.

(Unless you happen to be one of the few peoples who get to do what they love for work.) You are probably someone who just works to keep the bills paid.

Now, I would like to say thank you for doing your part to help make the world go round! Thank you for working hard and doing a good job.

However,  there is freedom the  unrelenting cycle of work.

You don’t have to strive so hard. Slow down and remember that we  are not what we do.

Don’t get lost in the never ending American lifestyle of work.

Yes It’s true, that we are lucky to be living in America where we can work and pursue our dreams. But sometimes I think we’ve got it backwards. We put too much emphasis on material things and forget to enjoy just being alive.

Americans are in such a mad rush all the time to get things done.  We are just so dang busy! Constantly working, trying to climb hirer and hirer.

We’re all trying to keep up. But keep up with who?

With the Jones of course! The fictional American family that has everything and does it all. The American Ideal.

We try so hard to have and do it all, that we forget to relax and really live our lives!

We are either busy working or totally exhausted. That’s why we Americans love entertainment! We are so burnt out by the end of the day/week. That we just want to be able to sit on the couch and be entertained. We want to forget about the exhaustion for a while, and be absorbed into someone else’s drama for a change.  We want to focus on a more glamorous, or exciting, or mysterious, or humorous life. So we can forget about our own.

But not everyone one lives like this. When I was overseas I was very surprised to see how different life can be. For example In Italy and Spain they take time for several long coffee breaks throughout the day.  And they are known for taking 2 hour or more lunch breaks!  These breaks are to relax, and unwind, not scarf down food so we can keep working. In Italy they don’t really care so much about what you do. The care about you as a person. Not you as the banker or artist, or waitress, teacher.

The you without your job. Who are you outside of your job?

Take time to cultivate the you, that you are outside of work.

Take time to really LIVE, because you only live once.

So, if you feel like you only exist to work, here are a couple of suggestions for you. 🙂

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• Take time to slow down. Literally, walk slowly and actually notice your surroundings.
• Notice the beauty in the small things, that you normally don’t see.
• Take time off from work, to do something peaceful and surround yourself with beauty. It calms the soul.
• Find something or someone you love, and spend your time with them.  Let them remind you of what is important in life.
• Turn OFF you cell phone, ipad, computer and T.V. and leave it off for a whole day!
• Challenge yourself.
• Resist the urge to spend all your free time on the internet.
• Do something your inner child would have loved to do. Think back, did little you ever say, ” I cant wait to grow up, because then I can…”? Then do it! Fulfill that child’s dream.
• Or, intentionally take time off work to do something with your kids that you normally wouldn’t do.
• Pursue your long lost hobbies. Ones you gave up on, or feel you don’t have time for. Force yourself to try it again. You’re never too old!
• Send a message to a long lost friend.
• Or reach out to someone who is going through a hard time. Be encouraging to them.
• Take the scenic way home from work today. Stop somewhere you’ve never been! Make it an adventure.
• Say yes, to something you normally say no to.
• Imagine that your life has a soundtrack. Then decide what yours would sound like.  What message would your soundtrack be conveying? If you don’t like that message, make it better!
• If it’s a sunny day, go for a stroll or, lay down in the grass and stare at the clouds.
• Even if it is a stormy day, go outside and admire the beauty of nature in storm mode. Take a deep breathe of the refreshingly, cold air. And  appreciate it for what it is.
• Dream big dreams.
• Never stop dreaming.
• Do something just because someone said it was impossible.
• Give someone a hug, and linger for a moment in their embrace. Appreciate that this person still exists.
• Smile more!
• Use your imagination and create something.
• Cut down on your expenses, so you aren’t a slave to your job!
• Reduce, and reuse to save money.
• Use your imagination and create something.
• Go on a drive  with someone close to you and park somewhere that you can admire the stars. Contemplate whether or not there is life in a galaxy far, far away.
• Treat yourself and get a relaxing massage!
• Appreciate that you can still, walk, talk, see, taste and hear. Because not everyone can.
• Then go eat some ice cream, just like a kid.
• Give something to the less fortunate, it will remind you how lucky you are to be alive.
• Force yourself out of your box and do something unusual!
• Do something weird, just for the hell of it.
• Be thankful that you have freedom. Use that freedom to do something you’ve never done. Tell your boss you’re sick today, then get out of the house and do something fun!
• Smile and laugh for no reason at all. Let it confuse people.
• Stop caring about what people think about you! It will set you free.
• Dance and sing when your home alone.

Just remember,

Life is not about reaching a certain amount of moments, it is about a collection of moments where you have truly lived.

How often are things left unsaid?
We just go about our normal lives in our routines and just get used to how things are and the people in our lives.
As if our family and friends will live forever.
But anything can happen,  and there is no guarantee that we will all be alive tomorrow.
So I for one, do not want to lose someone and then have to live with the regret of what I didn’t say.
I don’t want mourn over the words left unsaid, when it is too late to say them.
So, I’ve come up with a list to remind myself of things to say more often.
These phrases should be common things we say to our family and friends.
Because you never know what words might be your last.
So go ahead and play the music, as you read and feel free to comment with anything that I may have missed.

 

“I love you”
“You mean so much to me”
“How is your heart feeling today?”
“What are you thinking about?”
“I appreciate the little things you do”
“Thank you”
“You have a beautiful soul”
“You have the most amazing heart I have ever seen”
“I need you”
“You make me come alive”
“You make my heart smile”
“It’s been a pleasure knowing you”
“You have impacted my life in incredible ways”
“I’m with you, no matter what”
“I’m here for you, when you’re ready”
“Don’t give up”
“You are not a lost cause”
“I am so proud of you”
“There is no one like you, ever.”
“I love when you smile”
“It’s OK, everyone makes mistakes”
“I forgive you”
“You can never be replaced”
“Thank you for being who you are”
“Thank you for always sticking by me”
“You are good enough”
“You have purpose”
“You are worth fighting for”
“You mean the world to me”
“I’m so grateful to have you in my life”