I’ve searched for love far and wide.
I’ve pushed and pulled, prodded and tried.
Ive hungered for love desperately.
Only to give up and say, its not what I need.
I’ve tried so hard, to be my best,
I’ve tried too hard to be perfect.
but the only love I ever earned,
was your conditional love splintered with hurt.
Your heavy love, that weighs me like a chain,
your indecisive love that leaves me when I’m stained.
Your empty words and those desperate pleas,
and when your selfishness explodes, its a million apologies.
Your hardened heart that blames everything on me,
is why you feel alone, it’s why your sad & can’t see.
Open your eyes, I’ve been here for you,
even at cost to my self I stay, wanting to be true.
But I cant take it anymore,
you give love, then take it away and slam the door.
Somehow you think it’s all my fault,
if I could be better, would I get a different result?
I’ve been alone for so long now, I’ve had to shut you out,
it’s gotten too painful to let you run about.
The walls are up, strong and withstanding,
to keep out your expectations and your love demanding.
It’s a barricade, no explosion can ever take down,
but at the cost of having my once best-love around.
Still we shout, and Still we rage.
Still we writhe and scream in pain.
We’re broken, trying to love when we’re shattered,
trying to love with a love that’s broken in tatters.
Trying to love with sunken hearts, on sinking ships.
Trying to love with towering walls and lying lips.
We’re empty, we’re lonely, we’re hollow shells,
We’ve abandoned each other, in defense of ourselves.
So batter down the hatches, were gonna stay a while,
And when people ask us, we’ll just muster up a smile.
A relationship made of your sad, broken conditional love,
and my self protecting prophecy I must defend myself from.
I’ve given all of myself, I’ve given everything I have,
For you to do the same for me was my naive plan.
But you only gave in bits and pieces,
And your promises, well they’re all so meaningless.
Is it hopeless? Perhaps. So we remove hope from the equation,
settle for what we have, as we watch love come undone.
But then you came rushing in like the wind unknown.
So close as you melted my heart cold as stone.
And you told me that I don’t have to try so desperately,
Try to get a morsel of his love, because your giving it freely!
You showed me, love is beautiful and exactly what I need,
because it is always given freely to those who are in need.
I don’t have to beg, I don’t have to pull love or take it,
I don’t have to perform or earn it, without any mistakes.
Love is free for the taking,
this love is healing in the making,
This love that gives me the hope of life,
and restores the light behind my eyes.
But can it be so easy?
I fear you wont be there when I’m needy.
Or that you’ll withhold and take way,
And pull the rug out from underneath me.
Are you faithful? Are you always true?
Will you turn away, if I shut down and run from you?
Will you stay here? always offering your hand?
Or will you turn away for any reason to leave me abandoned?
Can I trust you? And will you always remain?
Because I’m tired of trusting in love that leaves, when I’m shamed.
I’m afraid, to let anyone in, including your presence.
Is there hope? Is your love as heavy as his?
You say you love me? But I still don’t know why.
I’ll never understand it, but I’m grateful all the while.
Are you still near? Are you near God?
Can you piece back together my soul and help me move on?
While I’m stuck here, sunken in and buried,
The quicksand came and destroyed the house I was building.
Can I lose your love? I guess that’s really what I’m wondering.
Can I lose it, by being unfaithful, by failing or running and hiding?
Can I lose your love, like I’ve lost his?
Because at the end of the day, the truth of it is..
I’d rather be alone, than live in fear of losing love.
I can no longer bare the pain of love lost and undone.
Is your love truly steadfast, like they all say?
Is it true, dependable and forever unconditional in every way?
It sounds too good to be true.
But I cling tightly to the hope that it is.
…… And with the dawn comes the warmth of knowing that your love really & truly is that good.