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Sometimes when I pray and talk to God, he shows me things. I don’t always understand it, but it never fails to rock my world.

One day I was having my prayer time, when God spoke to me through a particularly fascinating image.

With my eyes closed, I saw my outstretched arm, it was weak, empty and  heavy. It barely had the strength to move on its own. But it was desperately trying lift itself. Trying endlessly in turmoil.

Then I saw  the Holy Spirit enter inside my arm, and the incredible power of the Holy Spirit began to inhabit my veins.

As this all-powerful being pulsed through my arm, I realized I now had renewed strength. And suddenly, the power that now dwelt in my blood, lifted my arm like a puppet, without any effort of my own. And it caused me to surge forward, reach out and lay hands on the sick and broken.

At immediately when I placed my hands on them, I saw the enormous healing hands of God meet my own. He covered my hands with his. And out of this union, many were healed.

What I learned form this experience, is that God wants to heal people, both physically, emotionally and mentally! And that he can use anyone to do it, all he needs is someone willing to let him take charge. We don’t have to pray hard enough, to make things happen. He does it all.  We don’t have to try to be strong and powerful, because he fills us with strength when we are weak. We don’t have to strive, all we have to do is step out. And even though he doesn’t need us to do it, He meets us there, when we move in faith!

Isaiah 40:29-31
“He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.”

Isaiah 58                                                                                                                                            “And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.”

I make you weak at the worst of all times.
I keep you surrendered, I keep you resigned.
I make your hands sweat, and your heart grow cold,
I visit the weak, but seldom the bold.

What am I?

Fear.

Fear is something we all carry  with us, but somehow think it’s there to protect us.

Perhaps that was once true for us when we were young. Back when fear told us not to play in the street and to never trust strangers. But the more we give power to and agree with fear as we grow older, the more it takes over us.

Its so subtle that we don’t even see it. Like a familiar companion we think we need to survive, we trust it, because its helped us in the past. It claims to still be working in our best interest and insists that it will protect us if we will listen to it’s voice.

But the truth is we don’t need fear once we’ve grown up. Because fear cripples us.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I set aside childish ways. 1 Corninthians 13:11

Imagine that fear is a person. Like Parallax in this clip of the Green Lantern.  (I realize it’s sort of a cheesy movie, but bear with me!) Throughout the movie Hal has to face the fact that he is afraid of failing as the Green Lantern.  Watch the clip and imagine that the monster Green Lantern is fighting is in fact, fear himself.

  The monster taps into Hal’s greatest fears (because he is fear) and uses them against him.

Fear threatens Hal in the worst possible way and almost succeeds in killing him. But Hal realizes something…

The villain Fear, has no power of it’s own, the only power it has, is the power it can trick Hal in to giving up. Hal fights back, because he realizes the only reason fear could ever succeed, is if Hal agrees with it and by doing so gives up.

By giving up hope and agreeing that fear can fulfill its vicious claims, Hal gives up his power. Because fear can only take the power of someone it’s frightened into surrendering. It can do nothing on its own.

Once Hal realizes that fear can only win by getting him to agree with him, Hal changes his mindset.

And immediately the tide changes in his favor.

Hal stops being afraid.

He stops buying into the lie that he will fail and refuses to believe anything that has to do with fear.

He completely dismisses everything fear said by holding tight to the belief that he is unstoppable, he is powerful and no one can stand against him.

Now, I know this is a fictional and not very well received movie. But I learned a lot from this scene. After watching this movie I started thinking about how courageous I truly could be, once I stopped listening to the lies of fear. Suddenly I wasn’t afraid of fear, but confident that it was nothing more than an ant under my boot. Some verses that came to mind are:

Deuteronomy 31:8
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Psalm 118:6 “The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”

Isaiah 41:10 “Don’t be afraid, because I am with you. Don’t be intimidated; I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will support you with my victorious right hand.”

Isaiah 41:13
“For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”

So be bold, If God is for us, who can be against us?

Be strong and believe in yourself. You hold all the power, the only power fear has is what you give it!

Fear doesn’t protect you, it cripples you.

Fear keeps you from following your  dreams, and your calling,

Fear blinds you to who you really are.

Fear blinds you to who other people really are.

Fear keeps you trapped in the same cycle of dysfunction.

Fear keeps you making the same mistakes in relationships.

Fear keeps you  squelching your true self, because you’re trying so hard to please others.

Fear suffocates you.

So stop believing its lies, and abandon it.

The little that fear has done to keep you safe, isn’t worth the damage it does to you in the long run.

Do something you are afraid of and when that fear rises up, and tells you all the scary things that could happen, remind yourself of the opposite.

Remind yourself that God has given you Power, Love and a sound mind and that fear has no right to intrude on your thoughts.

Challenge your fears, don’t let them challenge you.

 

Here is my confession:

2015 has been a really difficult year. Full of struggles and pain, and I spent most of the time, lost and bewildered as to what was going on.

I had lost hope in life and relationships

But, what I didn’t realize, was that I had actually given up on myself.

I had absolutely no hope for myself.

I considered myself a lost cause and had given myself up for dead. I was settled and resigned to live a life void of hope. A dead life.

A life that was void of LIFE.

I didn’t care anymore about how I looked,

I didn’t care about how I felt,

how relationships were going and I didn’t care about what I  was doing.

I just didn’t care anymore,

Or more accurately, I didn’t have the capacity or ability to care about anything anymore.

So, I just plodded along,

with no desire or hope for things to ever get better.

I settled for a life void of joy and purpose. And I didn’t even recognize how far I had fallen.

I was so resigned  and used to depression, that I really couldn’t see how beaten down I was.

I thought about death, as if it were something to look forward to

But then a ray of hope reached its hand out to me.

And it dawned on me…..  I am not a lost cause!

God has not given up on me.

And if he hasn’t given up on me, then  I don’t want to give up on me either!

God hasn’t lost hope for me.

I am not a lost cause.

God’s mercies are still waiting for me, even after all this time!

He looks at me with mercy and compassion and tenderness and has not abandoned me.

(Somehow, I was convinced that God had abandoned me)

But he has not lost hope for me,

and he does not condemn me, for being a wayward child.

I AM NOT A LOST CAUSE!

There IS hope for me yet!

There is more life for me to live!

It’s not over!

After all this time God was still holding out for me,

waiting for me, waiting to give me a 500th chance.

Waiting to give it another go.

When I had lost hope for myself,

God didn’t!

When I stopped caring whether I lived or died.

He still cared!

When I thought all was lost.

He welcomed me in, with open arms.

Thank you Jesus!

I don’t deserve so many chances,

and I don’t  understand how your love can run so deep…

but thank you for carrying about the little things I care about.

Thank you, for never giving up on me!

“When the lord brought back the captive ones, we were like those who dreamed.

My mouth was full of laughter, and  joyful shouting,

I will sing among the nations, the Lord has done great things!!

the Lord has done great things for me!

I, who sowed in tears, now reap in joyful shouting!”

A Psalm: My heart blossoms and overflows with joy!

Hallelujah to my GOD!

God of grace, abundantly giving Peace.

Pouring out joy, joy, joy, I am so full of joy!

 

My heart overflows, I can not contain this feeling.

My heart leaps from my chest saturated with joy, shouting.

” I have joy, come one and all, come far and wide.

Come and know this joy inside!

I’m full to the brim, I overflow in abundance and couldn’t ask for more!

I am whole and free, nothing holds me back…. watch as I soar.

Watch, as I sing of the untainted joy I know, the joy I love.

that no man can steal and no one can crush!!”

Sustaining joy emanates from within…

“Look! draw near, draw near my friends!

I am beating with joy, see for yourself,

watch as I melt….

into the hands of joy.

 

Once I knew sorrow, once I knew pain,

I was burdened down by weights so heavy, I fell crumpled and slain.

Once I was hopeless, empty, weary, and defeated.

But now my heart knows joy, and has again started beating!

Thank you my God, thank you my love,

You removed my cloud of despair and lifted me up!

Now I am a heart who  knows joy, I must smile, I must laugh,

I must sing,  praise be to the father! And unto the Lamb!!!

I am set free, and I am the Victor!

watch as life anew springs up like a river!

…But Of your grace, what can I say? Words can’t compare!

For if my sins are an ocean, your grace is the air.

Here is a poem I & and Holy spirit wrote a few years back.

 

The spirit of god is upon me

That I am blessed among men now I see!

I am a nobody and yet I have Gods favor

I am lovingly desired by the one and only creator

Rejoice rejoice! I am blessed beyond words,

For I am given far more than I deserve!

Who am I that you have called me to walk in your ways

Who am I that you chose to bathe me in grace……

 

Like Moses I cannot speak, like Isaiah you will fill my mouth,

Like Joshua I am young, and like Samuel you have called me out.

Like Jeremiah I am shocked you’d use a nobody like me,

Like Mary I will store this promise in my heart quietly.

… 

Like Elisha you’re my defender, like Hosea your love is redeeming power,

Like Gideon you see my fear and yet, call me “Mighty one of valor!”

Like Habakkuk I’m on high places, like Daniel you speak in my dreams,

And like David when I at last take a stand, you always stand up with me!!

….

Like Esther you’ll give boldness, like Samson power to overcome,

Like Peter I stumble and fall, yet you reach out to pull me up.

Like Hannah you hear my prayers and remember me when time is come.

Like John on the isle of Patimos I know the battle is already won!

 ….

Like Saul I am a sinner, like Paul I am given a brand new name,

Like Elijah you move on my behalf, like Israel I am saved!!!

Like Lazarus I’m brought to life, like Abraham I am blessed..

And like Enoch you guide me by the hand into your eternal rest!

. ..

So Hallelujah, The Spirit of THE LORD GOD is upon me too!

My Dream:

Is for a faith that storms into hospitals healing the broken

With unwavering belief,

My Dream Is a  boldness so strong its clearly  not human

fearlessly setting the captives free!

MY Dream Is breaking  down the strongholds of the enemy

And overtaking all cities for Christ,

MY Dream Is Traveling to every city to share the gospel

Bringing a fire to those who’s lonely spirits have died.

MY Dream Is a hope to be content in little or excess

To depend on God to provide all the money,

MY Dream is to fund mission trips on my own

and give all  that I earn to the needy.

MY dream:

Is full of a longing to share my life with a husband

A man who’s passionately in love with Jesus Christ,

MY Dream Is a desire to start a family, but not in the expected way..

But by taking unwanted and orphaned children and calling them mine.

MY Dream Is the hope for a man who will go to the ends of the earth

And is willing to do anything for The LORD, just as I

MY Dream Is a dream of a man who finds humor anywhere

Living spontaneously, adventurously and never afraid to try.

MY Dream Is a hope for someone with deep thoughts, big dreams

and an even bigger heart ever growing kinder,

MY Dream Is a desire for him to love what I love

and be a listener, a best friend and fellow traveler.

MY dream:

Is full of appreciation for nature

dreaming to spend every moment I can taking it all in,

MY Dream Is a longing to see every culture, every shore

Simply discovering this beauty we’ve been given.

MY Dream Is to keep moving, keep changing

Change our society, change our laws,

MY Dream Is a hope to put a stop to the cruelty

Put an end to suffering from dictators cause.

MY Dream Is a desire to right the wrongs

Save the hurting and stop  injustice,

MY Dream Is a desire to influence government

Judge rightly and defend innocence.

MY Dream Is to use music to influence

the children without direction,

MY Dream Is A dream of feeding the hungry

living in compassion, and bringing correction.

MY dream:

Is to intercede for anyone and everyone

oh if only I knew how to pray,

MY Dream Is to see the King of Glory at long last

and look my lovely savior in the face.

MY Dream Is a willingness even a hope to be a martyr

Without hesitation to give my life for HIM,

MY Dream Is a desperation to press in and draw close

To the one whom I owe and  whom I give.

MY dream:

Is a continual floating of melodies

Engulfing every part of me in its song,

MY Dream Is a hope to play every instrument well

And create music all the day long.

MY Dream Is to join a symphony,

And compose a beautiful masterpiece,

MY Dream Is to find and catch the music in life

And put it on paper for others to see.

MY Dream Is to spend every waking moment

Wrapped in His arms during worship,

My Dream Is to always remain worshiping

Oh how my soul longs to be in His presence.

MY Dream Is to not be satisfied with anything ordinary

And never settle for complacency,

MY Dream IS to find out how hot I can burn for Him

And do whatever He has planned for me.