How can you think I wanted this?

Didn’t you know this was coming?

Haven’t you heard my many warnings over time?

Haven’t you seen the red flags along the way?

How could you believe it would end in any other way?

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Don’t you know it breaks my heart to say goodbye?

This isn’t what I wanted.

Don’t you know that I still love you?

I shouldn’t have to convince you that I’m not trying to ruin your life.

I thought you knew me better than that.

Don’t you know it crushes me to let you down?

It’s like ripping my soul in two.

Don’t you know how much you’ve become a part of me?

It tears at all my seams, to be separated from you.

All the stiches, all the molding, all the growing; with time our souls fused into one.

And must now be ripped in two.

Now we are two bleeding halves, blood and guts spilled out on the floor.

Don’t you know my heart weeps for what could have been?

I’m devastated, but I’m angry too.

If you could have gotten your act together, I would have stayed.

Don’t you know, I never in a million years wanted this?

But it’s not healthy for me to stay by your side, so I must rip my life in two.

Don’t you know, I wanted to stay with you till death do us part?

But you don’t know.

…… or it would never have come to this.

You only see you.

You only  feel, your pain, your fears, your sorrows…. you never feel mine.

You do not know empathy, you do not know me.

Which is why it breaks my heart to do it this way.

But your heart is far from me, and it grows colder still.

So it must be done.

There is a storm coming.

Is it the only way?

Today is the day.

Today is the day that I break.

….and break and break  and break,

into a million peices, until the world ends.

My world ends.

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Today is the day.

The day that I’m liberated.

….I’m free, I’m free, completely free,

until the world ends.

And I rejoice!

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Today is the day.

Today is the day, I let my dreams die.

Today is the day that my hope  burns to the ground.

Today is the day I give up your ghost.

And out of those ashes, renewed  life will spring anew.

They say death comes but once.

But this too is false, for death comes in many ways,

and can come many times.

Yes, my dear, death comes in many forms.

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Some death comes in the blink of an eye.

Some death poisons slowly, festering & rotting as times slinks by.

Some death is infinitely sneaky, catching us by surprise.

But some death,

our death, is only apparent, when it has passed us by.

This death, our death,  is the death of our relationship.

How can you tell it’s dead? When it’s empty.  Empty and hopeless.

When the stench reeks of decay and excrement.

When it stings with hardheartedness and jagged edges.

When the taste of it as bitter and sour as the bile in your throat,

When the sound of your own heart dying has decimated your hope.

When all you can see is the pain of the past and a future that’s ice cold.

When your love becomes a burden so weary, it weighs heavy and crushes your soul.

That is how you know that death  has settled in. That your death, my death, the death of our relationship is here to stay.

So in the end it comes to this….

Stay in a dead, but comfortable relationship,

Or say our final goodbye’s and face the unknown?

I have made my choice.

It is the only one I can live with.